Heart wrenching

Feeling left out is not a good things. Trust me, it is really heart wrenching...

Self reflect

Many thing happened, well .. lately.
I realized how lucky I am even though ...


 I did complaint.


 I  sighed. 


I cried.


 I asked for forgiveness. 


I tried to change.


But, it has never been easier. Sometimes I made the same and stupid mistakes. Though, from the top of that,  I learnt these...

1. blood is thicker than water.Love u my siblings!

2.Parents are everything. Love, respect, call and visit them as frequent as we can because, if they departed from this world, nothing we can do to replace them. If we want to seek forgiveness, to help them, to say how much we love them, say it now before it is too late to do so. Remember, people who disrespect their parents will not have respect from others. I love you mak n ayah.

3.If we love our kids, do not allowed them to be disrespectful us as the parents, if not they will not have true respect for anyone.

4. Parents, please respect your kids or otherwise they will disrespect you in the future...


Love,
Nurul

Quotes

People love quotes, so do I. Lately, my mind keeps creating the quotes and I think it is better for me to compile all the quotes here for myself. Pardon the grammar etc because it just for my personal only.

Two faced  quotes

You can smile and you can pretend but you will never knew that people are actually know the real you. It just the matter of they keep it quite or they just watch how you  are going to play your role.~nurul~

Friendship quotes

The same wavelength is important in friendship, or otherwise we could never be closed and the friendship is not going to work~nurul~

Life quotes

Age is not just a number, age is telling how near you are with the death~nurul~

Snobbish, cocky, arrogant? As if I care!

Being rich, having great power and knowledgeable do not mean you have a privilege to despise other people. Double standard in entertaining people is not right in my humble life dictionary.

Working with the Embassy in the overseas does not mean you are the best and people must respect you more. No! no! no! It does not apply in that way unless you are no brain-er.

Holding a title of the spouse of the diplomat does not give you a chance to act like you are better than the spouse of the student. What is the different between us are, the way we behave and the way we create a good image with people. If you have degree, so do I and in fact I have a degree in Engineering. But, this degree thingy is not something you should be proud of because nowadays, so many people have masters and Phd(s). So what is the new then? Nothing!

For these past years of being abroad, I met various people from the Embassy (London and Belgium). Some of them are too modest, too friendly and very easy to mingle around but there is a very little number in a statistic of them are snobbish, cocky and arrogant.

Being stubborn me, I am so not going to entertain these arrogant people. You are upper class people, bosses, spouses to the bosses or otherwise-all ticks the boxes of top ranking people right?But, hear me out folks, I do not care. I will behave whatever appropriate of my mankind behavior. For me, I will approach them twice, for the first time by making ice breaking conversation, getting to know each other better or offering a handshake towards them, if the respond is so-so and plain thus I will back off and trying again some other time for twice, but this time if they keep bragging about how great and powerful they are, so with the wholeheartedly ignorance is my way. People can cocky twice with me but I do not do thrice because I have dignity in me.

The best way to treat these people are by taking no notice to them, just sit and laid back, karma will pay. Honestly, if they think they can get going by boasting around, I guess they are wrong. It is a human nature to being respect and loved but to gain a respect from people, we have to show respect to others too. Respect is something you cannot buy with money and power. So, if you are happy for being cocky, I have no problem with it because that is your call.

By the way, I might be not having a time to update my blog for a week or more because I am heading to Paris this coming Sunday and will be staying in one of the hotel in Paris for a week. This is my second visit to Paris and I am going to blog about it if I had a free time, InsyaAllah.

Personal opinion

The latest face of me with my best buddy, Natrah

Words sometimes just are not the best way to let the grown up know if they are making the mistakes in the path that they have chosen, simply because they opt for not listening to you (bcoz they think they are always right) until they have made the same mistakes again and again . That is why, sometimes I rather keep my lips sealed without saying any words.

That is my Facebook status. I created the status after observing some grown up attitude including me when it comes to the decision etc. We hate when people give the ideas which against our will. We ask them the opinion but we hope they will say something nice even though it is totally wrong . What a shame!

The easiest example is, when some people in love they tend to forget what is the barrier of the relationship. People maybe say how unacceptable the way they show their love, but they will not listen until the boy/girlfriend left them for another man or woman. Sad isn't?

People always make a mistake, and nothing is perfect, that is why we have an eraser. Hence, it is ok to make a mistake because we learn from it, unless we are thick enough to ignore the mistakes and keep making them. Well, if this things happen I shall say this word ~s.t.u.p.i.d~

Call it a gift or a burden debt.

or

A gift? a present ? la cadeau, hadiah etc.

All those words above are representing the similar meaning which is 'Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.' What is the purpose of giving a present to the selected or chosen people in our life? For me, one of the motif is to appreciate or celebrate any special days in that person life without burden ourselves by monthly payment. It does not matter the price is cheap since we spend within our well means.

Let's say I bought a gift for my husband by swiping my credit card because I have not got enough cash in my account , and the consequence is I have to pay my plastic debt for a few months ( if I am lucky it only takes a month to pay up my debt, but what if I just pay the minimum payment and it takes me a year or more to finish up paying my debt? One debt is acceptable , but what happen if I have a previous outstanding debt? ), I shall not call it a gift anymore because it has burden my monthly paycheck to settle my outstanding debt.

I do not understand of some people who spend thousands ringgit let say for the extra gadget, designer handbags, etc. I can comprehend your passion about buying more than one designer handbags at one time if you pay cash, because you have a debt no more and you really can afford them, but, if you paid by credit card, you can show off how many designer handbags that you bought, but what is the point? You are not paying them yet and you still have to pay to your bank thousands ringgit for the next month onwards for your debt.

Giving a house as a gift, and the giver has to pay the monthly mortgage is acceptable. House is something cliche to pay monthly for a long period of time. Some people maybe think how about the car? Car is acceptable as well to give as a gift but in the condition of, the giver pays a decent amount of the down payment so that the monthly payment is smaller and the period is shorter. Five year is better, seven year is acceptable but nine year is no-no. What is the point of buying a luxury car as a gift but then you have to pay thousand or more for the monthly payment. It such a waste unless you really can afford it, perhaps thousand is like hundred or maybe less to your ratio income.

Besides , I do not see the logic of giving and owning the luxury car, an advance gadget etc just to add up our debts, seriously they are not really yours until you pay up all your debt.

You are lucky to get to pay the debt if you have a decent job, but just pause and think, what is gonna happen if the economic downturn and you lost your job and your income? Who is gonna pay your debt? Trust me when this is really happening you will realise this life is not as lovey dovey and exquisite anymore. 'Ibarat, abang ada duit ayang sayang, abang takde duit dan kena kejar bank sebab hutang ayang melayang' , or otherwise!

I met 'luxury living' family once in the past years and sometimes I did not understand where on earth they get the money to cater their will until one day, the husband was caught of misusing the office money. That is the first case. The next one is, the wife has to sell their inheritance, here is 'the land' just to pay her husband credit cards debt that reached almost RM 100K ( see 's' at the end of the word card? Yes, you get me right. The husband owned more than one credit cards and he kept making debt to pay another debt. His situation was like 'gali lubang, tutup lubang' and at the end the 'lubang' was not able to 'tutup' anymore.

I do have my personal experience about credit card debt. When the first time I had my job, I spent my money crazily. Credit card was one of the extra 'money' in my pocket when I did not have cash in hands. After a few years of paying a mimimum payment, the debt was 'sustainable'and the interest was increasing. One day, I lost my job just like in the blink of an eye and I struggled to pay my debt for four months without my fix income. I was lucky to have to pay for the car and the plastic only and they were worth around RM 700 per month. What if I had to pay up to thousand and more and at the same time unemployed? Who shall I ask the money?From my parents? They are not rich enough and they have their own commitment. The siblings? They have their own family and debt. The situation was extremly tensed and difficult. Four months were like forever. Fortunately, at last I got a new job and the problem was half solved. Nevertheless, today I am happy because I am living in a debt free.

I am no expert far of being one of the financial strategy on spending money. I do have time when I crazily bought my desired items up to hundred Euro or more at once but I only bought them when I do not need to swipe the credit card.

Enough say, I rather choose travelling by public transport instead of buying a car in here just to show off I can afford it but at the same time, I have zero saving in my bank account.

Anyway, at the end we are what we choose! So it all up to us. Though, for me I am hoping not to be a person who is struggling with a large debt. I opt for spending within my means. InsyaAllah..

Epiphany of a little girl, used to be..

I was staring at one of my cousin status on the Facebook. She shouted about, when she was a little girl nobody had ever told how cute or beautiful she was. Referring to her status, she said people should tell or even pretend on saying how beautiful of each little girl is.

Frankly, I remember having an epiphany similar to her. 'Waking up and thinking, why am I not as beautiful as this or that girl'. I envied them especially when they were a center of attraction of the boys and teachers.They are like a shining stars on the cloudy skies. Their confidence is soaring high and they look very attractive indeed.

During my matriculation year, one of our Biology teacher showed favouritism towards fair and lovely looking students only, regardless the fact that some of them are brainless. Thus, me being an ugly duck in the class always reserved and lack of confidence in communication and giving idea in that subject. The worst thing was, I badly admired one of the boy in my class and sadly, he did not even notice my existence. Well, who will remember the bushy eyebrows girl with brown skin? Sigh!

When I started working and having my own money, I still did not know the right way to dress up and look good. I am quite impressed with the teenagers nowadays. They are much daring and too fashionable until overdressing if compared to non Muslim people. They are too sexy I shall say. Well, they are looking well sometimes, but unfortunately it is not a right way on showing it.

Beauty is not about 14 inches thick of make up which you apply on your face and it just not about the minimal fabrics you are putting on to cover your body either. The truth is, beauty is coming from inside out. Beauty lies in the purest heart and good attitude.

Whatever it is, now I know. I learn that fashion is unique and subjective. Something good on you do not mean good on others, or otherwise! So, just be yourself no matter what! You are beautiful in your own way...Just listen to this song and the lyrics, You are beautiful by James Blunt...

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Does divorce is the last resort?

D.I.V.O.R.C.E

Those seven letters are really easy to spell out but the meaning of it is heart wrenching.

Lately, so many divorce cases I have witnessed with. Most of the cases happened in my closed proximity friends and family. The consequences of those word is undeniable. The causes of the divorce cases are varying. One of the common reason is the existance of the third party in their relationship. Have you ever heard this idiom,

Two is company, three is a crowd, ring a bell folks?

Sometimes, I am petrified if our marriage could destroy like them. It does not mean we are at the wits end.

We are fine.

Peaceful.

So far so good.

The truth is, this notes is not related to us at all and it just the rambling idea from a lady who has an ample time to write.

Four years of this marriage is a blessed, but as a normal human being, I could not deprive myself from feeling scared and unsecured etc. What if this and that happened in the future. Nauzubillahhiminzaliq.

Being me, naive in some aspect of life makes me bragging about this matter to my best friend, Am. I share everything with him, plus he is a very good listener. He does not talk too much but when he gives his opinion, it always end up in me feeling blessed and proud to have him as my other half.

A.f.r.a.i.d

Nothing I should be afraid of actually. I should pray more so that HE will bless this marriage until the death does us apart...InsyaAllah.

Though, one thing I realized. When wedded blessed marriage is destroyed, people will say 'dah takde jodoh' but otherwise to not wedded blessed. People tend to say' dah kahwin takde restu, padanla tak kekal'. Oh dear, have we forgotten that, 'jodoh, pertemuan, ajal dan maut di tangan Tuhan'? So, stop being judgemental. Stop saying something nasty until you are in their shoes.

I should not complaint more and frankly, I do not fancy to tittle tattle about people's problem with others but what I want to stress in here is, I am an ordinary lady who is hoping the ending of her love story like in the fairy tales.

Happily married ever after and if this is too much to ask for, perhaps I shall say, May Allah bestows his rahmah to us..Ameen.

'Jangan amik hak orang kalau taknak orang amik hak kita..what goes around comes around. Though I agree maybe, divorce is the best way for some couple and soon they will realize they were not meant to be together...

kesilapan sendiri and belajar drpdnya..

I realized..

1. I used to gossip with friends about certain people who are too into their kids..and labeled them PIBG type of people but now after having my own kid I became one of them, just take a look at my entries. More on my kid la dari cite lain. Moral of the story, I should not say something like that if I am not in their shoes. Serve me right!

2. People who I hate or sick off before (maybe I was jealous with them,I mean maybe at that time life was so stressful for me etc) eventually, they are the one who helped me out when I really needed someone to rely on..Again serve me right! Moral jgn kutuk org lebey2 sb kadang2 org tu la yg tlg kita seme..takkah malu sendiri..sigh!

3. Now, I am free to write about my hubby..kid..my shopping etc..apa2 yg I like because I learn from my previous mistake..never ever ever kutuk people sb kita menyampah this and that sb one day kita pasti akan buat bende yg sama..so I am pasrah kalau kena kutuk bab over in expressing my feeling towards everything because I know, I did it before..serve me right..tp I am glad because..I write because I want to write about those entries without having mix feelings kena kutuk or pulau oleh sape2..


I learn to be me..myself...to b continued

trish trash trush...

Enough means is that it.Full stop. No additional or tittle tattle regarding the related matter.' No-no ' shout here and there, 'No-no' in trying to make it like everything is right but at the same time we act such a completely cow. But sometimes, people do not think as what we think. Of course the different brain comes out with the different ideas whatsoever. No need to elaborate more or otherwise people will twist what we have said, And sometimes they will keep repeating things when you are completely silent and back off.

So,the wise action is, chuck unnecessary things into the bin. Whatever or you might say less like items @ things @ anything.

After thinking carefully, I do not want to be hypocrite#.

=the definiton of #, is a person who pretends to be what he is not.

Well I tend to think others hypocrite when they do not suit the definition above but at the same time I do not realize I was, am or will be in the same boat as them. I am 100 percent confident if we are human, and we ever feel like pretending, even though just once in a life time. No matter in what aspects, So when the 'pretending' feeling does excist, automatically we are in the definition of hypocrite.

Remember, nobody is perfect, so do I.

So, I am stop pretending as I like this or that things because in my heart I always know I do not like it after all.

The determination is must!
So, I made up my mind without having a second thought.

To get my life back (read=happy and put myself first before others). Thus, undoubtedly, I did that.

Might be after this entry has written, I will talk about crapy thing. Meaningful but not too personal. I meant it wholeheartedly. ( i have to delete the ori version as it might hurt some people feelings)

If you think my writing is going to make your brain 'shut down' you can click at the 'X' button on the top of the right handside of your computer, but if you are happy to read it, you are most welcome..

Forbidden Love and the aftermath

Some people are destine to have an easy way and effortless in live, love, work and etc . But some people do not. It is what we call 'our part' in life. I came across to one of my so-called an old friend's blog. She was telling in details what she had faced for the past three years just to marry her lover. She has been disowned by her family just because she be a second wife. The fact is , these two 'madu' are closed to each others. They even can live together under the same roof. So the point in this story is, this is not about these two 'madu' but it is about the family disobedience on my friend side.

I know..In Islam, Bigamist is acceptable but I do not think I can accept just if my husband has a second, third or fourth wives. I hope not. I am not pious enough to have the strength in sharing husband with other woman. But do not get me wrong, I am not against bigamist since it is acceptable in our religion. What I want to stress is, I almost agree with my friend decision. To marry this married man. Not by reason she is my friend but because I cannot accept how terrible she has been treated by her own family after their marriage. She said, is it bigamist is dishonorable in Islam? If the answer is no, so it is implausible for her family to against Allah's law. Yes, she is right..I know it is much easier to say.What will happen if I am in the first wife shoes? As I said..law is law but I hope this is the last thing happens in our marriage though!

She keeps trying to ask forgiveness from her parents until her dad last breath. Her siblings altogether blame her on the death of their father. Maybe they have forgotten the Malay proverb 'jodoh, pertemuan, ajal dan maut di tangan tuhan'. If they meant to be each other..nobody can cross question the fact. The foreordain is Allah's arrangement. Her father's death is not because she married to the married man, but he died because his time has come to meet the creature k..Tell me who can avoid the death? IF she does not married to her husband, do you think her dad will still alive? Spare me the answer k!

One thing that makes my eyes burst into tears when I read her blog though... When she wrote in her entry about 'her gave birth story to her daughter'. She had suffered from the labor pain for hours. Everything seemed to be fine for a normal labor but the baby seemed to stay still inside. Her conscience kept telling her, this big ordeal could be ended soon if her mum blesses her. All the doctors and nurses kept telling her to push the baby properly if not they had to proceed for the C-section. This poor girl, was telling the nurse that she needed to call her mum to ask forgiveness. It is Allah punishments to her and she kept appealing to the doctor to allow her to make the call..until one of the doctor said, 'let her..she knows what she is doing'.

Oh by the way, It was four am in the morning. After the two times of ringing tones, she could hear her mum's voice answered the phone. Straightaway she cried for forgiveness..She was shouting painfully...
'mum, please forgive me..It is too painful.The pain is unbearable..please forgive me..'
and then her mum said, 'Is it you ######'? What happen to you?
Then she said' I am giving birth right now..but the baby seems does not want to come out..please mum I am so in pain'...
Then vaguely her mum said..'I have already forgive you since ages ago..do not worry, I will perform ' solat hajat' and pray to Allah to make sure you can pass this big ordeal'..Then the conversation went off.

Alhamdulilah, in less than 30 minutes, she had an urged to push the baby..she did not know where the strength came from. Can you see, what will happen if we make our parents especially our mum aggrieved with us? This true story makes me realized one thing..' syurga seorang anak di bawah tapak kaki ibu..dan syurga seorang isteri di bawah keredhaan suaminya'.

Back to this girl story, Her mum has forgiven her but everytime she wants to meet her mum
( and in fact she regularly return to her mum's home with her baby), but the saddest thing is,her mum will avoid her. Her mum keep telling her that it is not the right time for them to meet.Seriously, I respect this girl. She keeps trying to win her family back but after three years the condition is still the same. Everything seems to be like the back and forth journey in the same circle. Nevertheless, she never let her emotion overcome her thought. It has been good for her to enjoy the cheerful life instead of moping around with the problems. Well, in the nutshell, I think, to all parents in this world, do give your children blessing if they want to get married as long as they choose the right partner. Nobody is perfect in this world. What a shame to miss the chances to watch your grandchildren grow just simply because your indomitable. Here, it is foreordain for my friend to 'bermadu' so who are we to against HIM, The Almighty??

'Empty vessels'

Hey guys! I have a question to ask. The question is sounds like this. What is the difference between 'hardworking and workaholic' with the ' great talkers'? What I mean by 'great talkers' is 'those people who talk a lot and are always teaching others, and they usually do not do much work'. In Malay term is 'orang yang betul-betul tahu buat kerja' dengan 'orang yang tahu membodek dan kelentong'. My personal experiences when I was working with private companies in the few years back made me recognize these types of people easily. Hardworking people normally talk less, work more but at the end they come out with the results and vice versa to the 'empty vessels'.

My former project manager was really suit in this 'kelentong' type of people. He knows how to blabber around, and if you people do not know him very well, you will think he is such an adorable and talented person. Just ask him, he will know everything. Even though sometimes he just talk nonsense like an idiot to the smart people. But, one thing is good for these people are, they can survive in any conditions. They can climb up to the top position in the company. Without hesitate, they are about or inclined to do everything like poker face just to achieve their mission in life.

Most of the 'empty vessels' normally have a little knowledge in something specifically, but they do know all. If you know what I mean! And they usually talk the most and make the greatest fuss. Like, they know this and that, they achieve this and that, If you tell them your experience in doing 'let's say project A', straightaway, they will start all the craps by saying, they also did it before and better than you. All is about they are the best. No one else. .In the meetings, they will show off like they did everything to save the company and bla..bla..bla..But the truth is, they just use other people hard work and then claimed as theirs. What a shame people!

I do not know if the condition of this is happen or not in your students life, or your workplace but in my life, it did happen. For me to notice this type of 'empty vessels', does not take too long. For the first time it hard to tell. But after twice or thrice it will reveal and you just knew it. But why? The answer is because 'Empty vessels make the most noise'. And sometimes I was wondering, can we just cut all the crap and make our jobs properly to success in our life in today's world? Can we survive without' bodek and kelentong' to get the promotion? I think the answer is impossible and definitely not!

Reality or fantasy?

The idea of browsing about the benefit of the astronaut programme came across my mind. It is simply because, I cannot help myself from wondering and thinking where is the research report, or whatsoever related things from the return of Dr. Muzafar after the space programme. I know, our government claimed, the astronaut was sent to the space to do some research about the cancer illness. So what was exactly the research all about? All I can see from this programme is, he becomes more 'supermodel type' instead of I do not know the exact word to call him until now though. To use the word 'astronaut' is too demand enough I think. Maybe the right word is, 'a visitor to the space'. Nevertheless, since our government is insisting on address him as the astronaut so ok..just go with the flow, shall we? Only GOD knows how I am going to slap myself for that title.huhuhuh.

I am not here to condemn the effort by our government that costed us RM 95 millions ringgit to accomplish the space mission. The idea is to become one of the prestigous countries in order to position Malaysia in the eyes of the world. But believe me; Malaysia is not well known enough throughout the whole world even though after the space programme! Nothing much changes before and after the programme. When I was in Malaysia, I was 100% believed when our government claimed; Malaysia is a well known country in the world's eyes. But for those who used to live in overseas, I dare say only little people know about Malaysia. And if they do know, they only know a little or less. Even though the simple and basic facts like where the exact location of our Malaysia is is on the map, about the existence of Malaysia and so on. It is ok though not to know the location, since some of you might say,’ we do not even know where Belgium is, so what is the big deal? I know it is not a big deal. But, what I want to emphasize here is we should live in a reality life. Stop dreaming and let the presence of our mind decide what the reality is and what the fantasy is. Do not too over proud of something that we actually should not. Personally, I think we should invest our tax payer’s money on something more profitable such as on the 'real' Research and Development field that our country far away left behind.

I know some of you could not agree more with my opinion but, just set aside our ignorance and pride. Just think carefully, Is Malaysia good enough to be known in the eyes of the world by sending 'a visitor to the space’ that costed us a bomb?

For the closure, I think I love the writing article from Australian writer for 'The Age' newspaper. He is actually telling the honest opinion that I have ever heard about Malaysia ASTRONAUT PROGRAMME
Click.

p/s - If some of you really do not know the world map, please take a look now in the internet. So tak la 'kemalu-maluan' bila org lain talk about the world map. Geografi kena tau k..Pengetahuan am tu..ciao!