After 2 years ..

In the midst of the night, suddenly I have such a strange feeling to log in back to this blog after ignoring it for almost 2 years. I have been busy with so many stuffs, I miss blogging because I love writing so much. I admit, living in Malaysia, make me less time to enjoy doing what I like due to some restrictions, though I would not complaint much, otherwise people will hate me for that .

Truly what people said, life is like a circle, you will start at some point and you will keep drawing your faith based on what has been written by Qadha and Qadr until your life end.

In year 2014, the July 24th, I lost my beloved sister. She lost battle from the nasty disease, Sceloderma. She had been suffering from the disease for 2 years, In April 2014, her condition deteriorated. I can remember vividly, on the 26th day of Ramadhan, I just arrived from Penang to Kelantan by plane. My mum fetched me and Haris ( I was pregnant to Harraz during that time) at the airport and straightaway we went to the hospital, HUSM to pay her a visit. Little did I know her condition worsen. I never had an idea that she was in level 8 in HUSM . When I arrived, she barely opened her eyes. Her face looked worried and I could tell, she was not herself during that time. I tried to wake her up once, to offer a little conversation. She did open the eyes and she nodded when I asked her something, soon after that, she dozed off again.

When I asked my parent, how was exactly my sister's conditions. They said, her conditioned was not promising. Not at all.

In the midday, I drove back home to take shower and had a little lie down since I was tired due to wake up very early in the morning to catch an early flight. The weird thing was, when I was at my parent's home, I could not rest at all. All I did was, tidying up the house like I never did before. I did not know why I did that, but all I could recall was, I was saying this to my heart ' this house looks like an abandon house, like someone just died in it'. After finished cleaning up the house, the clock showed 2pm. I was about to take a nap and suddenly, my mum called me and kept asking what time I would be arrived at the hospital. I said, I will maybe in the evening. She said, 'can you make it a bit early?', she sounded agitated. Straightaway, I put on a proper clothes and returned to HUSM.

I was in the ward taking turn with my parents to observe my sister's conditioned. An hour before break fasting, I went to Bazar Ramadhan with my mum and she kept calling my other 3 siblings and asking them what time they would arrive. Some of them live in KL, Malacca and Penang. When the break fasting time, I was sitting next to my sick sister since I was not fasting on that day. When I was there, I could see the reading for the oxygen level on the monitor kept dropping, and every time it happened, my sister would opened the eyes and said, 'kuatkan gas'. I requested some emergency help from the nurses and doctors. They kept changing the masks to find the suitable mask to make sure my sister could breath properly. After 20 minutes and so, I could tell her conditioned was uncertained. I called for my mum and dad in the surau to come over and have a look on my late sister.

The doctors and nurses kept pumping her chest, giving her emergency help and treatment. During that time, my late sister kept saying this, ' why I can't breath?'. The feet looked pale..Another sister of mine trying to help by rubbing the hot oil on my late sister's back but she did not showed any signs of improvement. When Azan Isya' was on air, my late sister took her last Syahadah and soon when the Azan finished, she's gone..Forever.' May Allah grants my late sister paradise...ameen'.

I guess it was a coincidence when I cleaned up the house on that day because, my late sister's body was bringing back home during the same day, I mean in the night, around 10pm. The funeral took place at 2.30am in the morning.

It almost 3 years but we still miss her deeply. After six months of her death, my mum got sick and she never recovered like before. Her emotion is deeply hurt and she could easily get sick over a small matter which involves her feelings. Sigh!

I now have 2 boys , the first one is 8 year old and the 2nd boy is turning 3 year old in seven months away. I love them to bits. Frankly, I have less 'me time' time since Haris is in primary school. The academic is quite structured and tough nowadays. As far as I remember, when I was in primary school, my life was about playing and doing a little homework at a time. Let alone to think about tuition for UPSR or whatsoever.

Kids at present time, have to do the revision before the examination starts , otherwise it is difficult for them to answer the exam papers. To let the kids do the revision by their own is no-no because trust me, they will not know how to do so, especially for Tahap 1 pupils. Tahap 2 might be different because they are quite matured and have three years experiences of doing revision, exams etc when they were in Tahap 1.

KBAT thingy is tricky  I tell you. Sometimes, as a parent I have to study and google as much as information just to answer some of the KBAT questions.The question which keeps lingering in my mind is, 'Is the teaching at the school is in KBAT style?' I do not know.

As for Harraz, he needs more attention in his toddler's life. He is now in a pace of learning. Everything and everyday are new experience for him. He does not like to be left out in some matters ;-).

Oh, I am almost forget , we are now in a stage of waiting for the OC for our house. The developer said, we will receive the key anytime soon . It is not a massive house but still it is the first house that we bought, just imagine at this age, mostly our friends and family have more than 2 houses, I bet! I really could not wait for that. After moving into a new house, I can start plan my- wish- list- plans  properly.

P.S-When I started writing on this blog, it reminds me of someone..I think that particular person will know who he/she is...