I have been thinking since the past few days about life, future, etc. The frequent I browse the Facebook of my friends, the more I feel guilty. Guilty of not having a good career to support my parents and my siblings. To be truth, I almost get everything that I wanted in my previous days in life when I became a housewife. If I requested something from Am, he will try to fulfill my dream as best as he could. He made me become a spoil brat, I guess.
Every time I tell people about my dream to start working again, automatically they will say 'just enjoy your time Nurul, we envy of you, to get a chance to travel around and bla bla bla'. Believe it or not, I do thankful enough for this chance, but as a normal human being, I never satisfied with what I have. Pathetic, isn't? Jealous of seeing friends who hold a good position in a government sector is common for me. I am 32 going on 33 year old this coming October and most of the career women at age 33 have an establish careers, futures etc. I envy them so damn much.
Nevertheless, I am contemplating between back to Malaysia for good or find another job in here ( I mean for my husband ). We have so many pros and cons in this matter. Though, I realized 80 percent of our hearts tell us to stay. Dig a decent amount of money and then return to Malaysia for good and have a very good life. That is our current plan, but it not as easy as it looks because Am is bonding with the University back home and if we break the contract, we shall willing to pay a good amount of monthly payment back to the University.
We will wait and see what is the future promising for us. I trust that our destiny has all written in the 'book' that belongs to our creator, but I do hope he writes a good destiny to us, InsyaAllah.
My heart and head are knackered of answering the question from outsiders about, 'When is the time we will return to Malaysia for good'. I cannot see the sense of this question because when I was in Malaysia none of them were there to meet up or whatever. So, it is a bit strange for me when they asked about this and sometimes, they said, they cannot wait for me to come back for good, because they are missing me. Missing me? huh ! Only one or two people who called me and requested to meet up when I was back in Malaysia in the last year. The rest just simply wrote on my wall about missing etc and never meant what they said. The funniest thing is, they are not even have my hand phone number since graduated from USM. Sorry to say, but I rather left the question unanswered and ignored them.
I have so many plans that not appropriate to tell others since I do not know what is the final conclusion is. I definitely will shout on my wall on Facebook when everything is certain about the planning etc. But, for now I rather keep my mouth shut. I prefer someone to be friend with me because you really think I am your friend and not because, you are a person who cannot help from sticking your nose in somebody's business.
