Dear my beloved baby boy Haris...
You just turned one year old in the last few days. Mama has mix feelings watching how much you have grown since the day you were born into this world.
Haris,
Mama can vividly remember your birth date last year. It happened on July 20th 2009. Five days before my due date. I woke up at 8am in the morning after having a dream.
In my dream, there was a man who told me that my waterbag will be leaking soon. When I opened my eyes and tried to heave myself out of bed I felt a strange sensation. Looking at the bedsheet I could see a damp patch. I tried to wake up your papa and told him that my water has broken. Papa and I were excited because at least something had happened. Well, mama always worries what if her pregnancy goes beyond the due date. Alhamdulillah, at last Allah heard my prayer to have you earlier and not later than the due date.
Mama rang your grandma and grandpa to tell them about the sign. Your grandma said, it was a birth sign and she advised me to go to the hospital straightaway.
But, mama refused to do so just because she had a routine check up with the gynaecologist on that day at two pm. What I did was, went back to sleep.
At 1.30pm , we headed to the hospital by taxi.After waiting for a couple of minutes, the gynaecologist called my name. I told her about the birth sign. She asked me to lie down in couch so that she could do an internal checked up. After the test, she said, yes it was a sign of labor. The membranes that surrounded you might have ruptured, which can happen before labor starts.
Amniotic fluid can leak out as a slow trickle or sudden gush. But for mama, it was a slow trickle. They needed to wheel me down to the ward as soon as possible to avoid any problems occurring to you. I was admitted at 3pm and straightaway the doctor gave me an antibiotic via my arm to avoid the risks of bacterial or viral infections entering the womb through the birth canal. They induced me at 330pm but until 12am in the midnight on 21st July, nothing had happened. They said, they will reinduce again at 3am but out of the blue, two doctors came and checked on me at 1am and started inducing process again.
I did not sleep well after the second inducing process as I was waiting for the first contraction. The first contraction finally kicked in at 3am in the morning.
It was very mild. By 7 am, the contractions were more intensified. I felt like shouting everytime it came. At 730am, a midwife came in to examine me. She said, it seemed my cervix had thinned and it was 1cm dilated. Oh My God, with this much hurt only 1cm ? How on earth could I wait for 10cm?
The midwife asked me to have bath before heading to the labor room. After taking bath, she gave me a new robe to put on and slowly she strolled me down to the labor room. By 9am the contractions were getting quicker and stronger. I did ask for the epidural to ease the pain. At 915am, the anaesthetist came in and gabbled to me the possible side effects of the procedures as she get everything ready in hands.
What I could say was, 'I do not care just give me the shot'. The process took around ten minutes to be done and the injections did not hurt at all and I tried not to think about the needles going into my spine. What I did was just concentrate on staying as still as possible so she could do her job quickly. After 30 minutes contractions were easing off and mama could rest before facing the pushing stage of labor. Sigh!
The doctors kept checking on me to record down my dilation. By three pm, they said, I was 6cm dilation. What a relief. After waiting for 12 hours in labor at last the opening was more than 5cm. During that time, I could feel like having backache or heavy period like, pain. It really hurt. I kept topping up my mobile epidural but it was like-nothing-had happened-and-I still can-feel -the pain!
By 5pm, the midwife said, I was about to achieve 10cm dilation.. She said be ready to push in a couple of minutes. She prepared everything beforehand for your arrival.
By 6pm, I was fully dilated and it was time to start pushing. I was so scared especially to think of episotomy process. The gynaecologist and the midwife kept asking me to push harder. I'd thrown up during the pushing stage. Only God knows, how hard it was to give birth to a little baby. Only women who have given birth themselves will know the feeling. No wonder' syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu , my dear'. Papa is always by my side to give me moral support and he keep saying' push harder and harder and harder..It is almost done...' The time he and the doctor cheered me up really gave me a new spirit. I gathered my strength and pushed harder. They said the head was crowning. After 15 minutes and 2 cuts of episiotomy, you had safely arrived to this world. Alhamdulillah...subhanallah..
Fresh from the oven!
I had a teary eyes when the first time I laid my eyes on you. How lovely you were at that moment. At last after 40 weeks in me and 16 hours in labor, you were there. So tiny and soft. The midwife placed you in my robe for skin to skin contact. The first word I gave you was, 'hi baby..I am your mama..' The time the doctor stitched me up I could not feel anything, Thank God for the epidural. Plus, I kept looking at you. My eyes really glued to your face. My miracle! Papa was happy too. He kept calling everybody to announce your birth!
To cut it short, I never had a very happy feeling as I had when the first time I held you in my arms. I really love you so much. I swear at that moment that I will look after you as best as I could. It my life time promise!
Today, one year after you were born, I hardly remember your baby's smell. I miss all those moment. An irreplaceable moment indeed.
one year old!
My dear Haris,
Do love me and your papa until the end of our life. We both love you so much. You are a tiny miracle lying close to our heart before and forever..Having you is the best thing ever.
My baby,
You make our day shorter, night longer..
You make our life happier rather than sadder..
You are everything...
Haris, when you grow up and can understand my notes, just so you know, we could not think our life without you..I love you forever until the death do us apart.
