Baby has memory and post natal depression?

I notice something since the past few days. Sometimes, after taking a bath in the morning around 10 am, baby Haris seems to cranky a bit even though after his feeding time. I know he sleepy but he seems so hard to fall asleep. Accidentally, I played the musical toys for him after putting him in the baby cot a few days back. The song is Hush little baby. This song is the song that I used to play repeatedly during pregnancy time. I put on a headphone on my bump while playing this song. Amazingly, after playing this hush little baby song twice, baby Haris seems to drift away in his dreamland easily. I thought I was in delusional and it coincidence when he sleeps easily twice after hearing that musical toys. But, I was wrong. Today is my fourth day experimental that song on him. And guess what? He fell asleep right after he heard that song. Amazing huh?

Some of you did ask about my confinement period? Officially I am in day 13 of my confinement period. Confinement without having closed family by me is very hard to sail through. I just go for the basic thingy like 'bertungku' at least one hour per nite, wearing corset nightly after bertungku is compulsory to avoid my flabby tummy stay like this for the rest of my life. I hope it works out.

Lately, I am having a baby blues symptoms, well I guess la kan. I keep crying and over sensitive with my surroundings. Everything seems so annoying. When Am said something, I feel like he's using sarcastic words towards me, in fact he did not. Sometimes I do feel like he loves the baby more than I. It weird though, to jealous with my own baby. Maybe because before this only the two of us. When the baby popped out, we need to divide our love fairly among us.

Frankly, I miss my pregnancy moment. The time when Am always touches my bump gently and keeps talking to the baby. It feels like he is pouring his love towards the baby and I. But, now when the baby came out, he puts extra attention on the baby. He seems to forget I am the one who gives birth to the baby and I really need his attention too. Where is the gentle touch of love from him? The bump and back massage during my pregnancy time is the things that I miss so much. Now? sigh..I think one fine day I will make sure he knows what I really want or otherwise I will explode like a lifetime bomb.

If I give birth again in abroad in the future, I will make sure at least one of my family member will come over to look after me or otherwise, I will ask to send me back home to go through my confinement with my family by me. Never ever again went through this hardest time alone with Am. Sometimes I never put the blame on him because he never had experienced too in taking care of his wife during the confinement period.

So to my friends out there, who has an opinion about this post natal depression, do share with me ok. Zikrullah, reciting ayat kursi and istighfar a lot seems to give me boost of energy in sailing through this hardest time.

Pity Haris, he is a good baby. Not cranky to much except when he hungry. Everytime I look at his innocent face, it makes me feel guilty. Guilty towards something that me, myself not understand what. Astaghfirullahalazim.....sigh!!!