Long deep breath entry in the middle of the night..

I thought of having a baby is a straightforward process. From making love to the nine months of pregnancy and ending with giving birth. But, I was totally wrong. For some people they meant to have a smooth sailing pregnancy and birth but not so smooth for me. The challenge has begun when I was in my first trimester. I had a morning sickness for almost five months. I could not help myself from throwing up for more than thrice, everyday. Everything was smelly. I could not stand my own kitchen. Having thought of me standing and cooking in the kitchen can makes me puke. I had to stay all day in the bedroom overlooking the old church with the building nearby. The view is not so nice at all. But, only in my bedroom I can survive from being sick. Everytime I feel like peeing, I need to use the bathroom instead of the toilet. Simply because the toilet is located outside our bedroom. There was once I threw up on the wall when I was running to the bathroom. I could not hold it any longer after smelling 'ikan patin masak pedas' that I brought back from one of our friend house. The problem was, I could eat like normal people when I was at somebody else houses. But not in ours!

Entering the second trimester, did not make so much different. The PUPP symptom has made an attack on my skin especially around my boobs, bump, thighs and arms. It was getting worse day by day until I was scratching all over my body and it bled. All lotion and medicine, that were prescribed by the doctor and dermatologist were useless. At any time, once in a while I cried because of the itchiness was undescribable. But, Alhamdulillah the symptom is getting better and I get my beauty sleep back after sometimes.

The latest problem of my pregnancy is, the gestational diabetes mellitus. This is the top of my imagination among all the difficulties. A coward person likes me, has diabetes and is currently on a sugar-limited diet for some reasons. Pricking my fingers and seeing blood are never ever crossed my mind before. It was a nightmare when I received a letter from my Gynae , mentioning me about the diabetes. Even though this thing is temporarily, but sometimes I almost lost my sane thought when the dusk comes and the sun shines. It makes me fear of the journey of the day ahead and the foregone conclution about pricking my fingers again and again and again. (Thrice in a day and only once in the night). Sometimes, I do hope for an endless night. No more dawn until I give birth. What a ridiculous hope..Yes, I know. So just you know, until this entry has been written, I had already pricked for 30 times and my fingers turn bluish. Applying a cut and bruises oil seems does not help a lot. My soft spot is melting away when Am wihout hanging back offering to prick his fingers instead after seeing the bluish effect and the painfulness. He looks regretabble with my condition. So sweet..hehhehee.Perhaps I should say adieu to the blood test. Hahahaha..Nak mampus ke Nurul?

Now, I get a new symptom which is, leg cramps. It started this morning when I woke up from my night sleep. I cried out for Am and he straightaway came out from the bathroom with a panic face. He asked me what was wrong, and when I told him about my leg, just like a reflect action, he took a bottle of massage oil and applied it on the spot until the cram eased away. I could not thanks him enough for what he had done for all this while. His hearthiness is undoubtedly. If you, my friends can see how panic he was this morning...It priceless..From that moment it makes me realized how much he loves and takes a great care of me as he has sworn during our wedding night.

All these difficulties make me stronger just after thinking of my baby's healthiness. If this what we called love, I am trully flabbergasted with myself. Because I am falling in love towards somebody that I never meet before, alive and kicking healthily inside me. My heartthrobe..I love you with full hearted.