Adolescent Hood!

Have you ever admired someone so badly in your life? Well, I had and dare I say until now. The story began when I was in Sekolah Sains Raja Tun Azlan Shah in year 1996 as a USM matriculation student. I can precisely remember when was the first time I started to admire this guy. It happened during orientation week where all the matriculation students needed to assemble in the lecture hall. All of the students have been divided into groups and each group contained about maybe ten to 20 people. Each group must nominate one of the student as a group leader. Here came along this guy that had been nominated by his group. The first time I laid my eyes on him, I knew exactly that I admired him so much.It seemed like love at first sight! My heart pounded every time I saw him. Since that day, I always kept an eye on him. What colour his clothes were?, What dorm was he in? Where did he come from? Which class was he in? All kept lingering in my mind, and I jumped for joy when I accidently wore the same colour of clothes with him! Unfortunately, until the last day of the orientation week I still did not know much about him. The next day when the first time I stepped my foot and met the other students in my class which was Matrik Suria, suddenly my heart stopped beating when I saw that he was in the same class as me. I kept controlling myself from showing anybody in the class that I liked this guy. We had to arrange the tables to suit the condition of the class and I was definitely on cloud nine when I realized that this guy's table was at the same row as mine.

Since that day onwards, I became one of the diligent students that went to class either during day class or prep time. Mixed feelings emerged inside me. Nervous, jumpy, fidgety..just name it..all those feelings rose when I was late to school or prep. It got worse during the semester break, which was normally for two months. At first, I kept the feelings to myself until I could not bear it anymore. I publicized my feelings to all my friends especially my dorm mate. All my dorm mates will inform me about this guy in detail if they knew something about him, so it was like I had an unofficial private investigator to report to me about everything! I kept investigating about this guy and guess what? I knew almost 90% about him .I realized that, when it comes to someone that I admire so much, I will do anything to get to know them and I was so determined in my mission. Just try me!

There was an unthinkable incident that happened to me where I used to play truant when it came to "solat jemaah", for your information, in SERATAS, every "solat" must be pilgrimed. It was compulsory for all students to do so. But, my evil mind said that it was just a waste of time..You see how naughty I was..but, if I knew that this guy will be "imam",automatically, I will be the first person that went to the mosque and stayed in the first row when solat was performed. Trust me, he has a very melodius voice when he called "azan" loudly. During the solat time, my eyes kept aiming at him (the mosque is a double storey building, women on the first level and guys on the ground level, but the first level only half of the building so I can see clearly every guy that performed solat in the ground floor!). The best word to describe me was, I performed solat just simply to keep an eye on him and not particularly performing the solat like I should..see..how terrible I was!! When we met by chance, I will instantaneously snarl at him and if he held something at his hand, I will snatch it and just pass him by like I did nothing wrong! You must be thinking, what was this guy's reaction towards me? Well, he was just too shy to say something and even to stop me from harassing him. That was why, I loved to play the fool with him. Because I knew, he will do nothing to reflect my reaction! He was like "boy next door " to me! hahahhaha..

Time flew so fast, it was time to bid farewell to friends and him. I felt so sad and cannot imagine what I was going to do when we further our studies in Matriculation two in USM Penang, I knew exactly that he will not be at the same class and lecture as mine. So how the hell I can keep staring at him, So for the last day, I gave him something as a souvenir..To let him remember me ( if he wanted to) when we were apart..I think he was glad that we were not in the same lecture.hehhee..The gift that only I knew what was inside the box..Until now, when I think about that, I will keep smiling and thinking, how daring and stupid I was at that time..When we chose different courses for our degrees, (I was in Engineering campus and he stayed at the main campus), a little bird told me that he already has a girlfriend from the same course and in fact this lucky lady become his wife, they got married soon after graduation. I felt so glad for him but at the same time, I felt sorry for myself because he turned me down, even though I never told him directly that I like cum love him.I knew he was the first person that I really admired..and I was into him so much more than everyone can imagine! I believe that, if we are looking for true love we have to make an effort. Never ever stop finding love until you found it.Nevertheless, do remember that it takes two to Tango! So, even though you have been accepted or been turning down, do not give up hope.Keep looking! For me, the eager feeling to others will never be the same as how I was with him..until now, I keep thinking about him, well.. sometimes. But, I know that I now have a husband to love. He loves me so much more than I can imagine. So do I. All my life, my heart and myself is only for him. Truthfully, all the "secret admire" things was the naughty behaviour that I experienced like others, when I hit puberty and now, it is only a sweet memory in my adolescent hood that I have already left behind...